I know it's been a long time, but I'm not going to feel guilty about it. I feel guilty about enough right now, thank you very much. Anyway, my last post was in December, and things haven't really changed. I'm still tired. I'm still stuck in the divide. And I lied when I said I hadn't felt that divide more than I did then...I feel it more now. Simultaneously, God and my true self seem far away. I'm still going...I haven't given in fully...but it's hard. I've never been more physically tired in my life. I just feel...gross, for lack of a better term. God knows the details, and I believe that He has a plan for me, for us...I just can't see it right now. Probably because I'm covering my eyes.
My baby is 10 months old. Good Lord. I don't know how, but I'm still amazed at how quickly life can move. It has never been more apparent than when watching a baby grow. Isaac completed his second set of plane rides last weekend when we flew to Chicago, and kids, Benadryl is our new BFF for plane trips. Paul and I are...okay. It must be hard to be married to me, so I'm trying to cut him some slack. I'm also looking for a counselor, a new doctor, and possibly some other specialists to help treat whatever the heck I have going on in my body. I've been sick for a while, but we don't really know what's going on. I've already been to the ER once (in January) for what I thought were heart palpitations, but it wasn't. Then another doctor diagnosed me with being stressed out (wait, what?! I had no clue!), and just threw meds at me. Now, after going through my symptoms, I'm wondering about a gluten issue of some sort, plus stress, plus being overweight, plus being spiritually inept, etc. Heck...who knows. Hopefully we'll get it figured out soon.
I'm keeping up with a few new (and amazing) blogs that have kept me somewhat motivated. Check out Momastery and It's Almost Naptime - they have been filling places in my heart that I didn't know were there.
One goal I have is to write more...to try to write every day. Good luck to me...maybe someone, someday will get something out of this.